Breaking the Silence:
Five Years of Uncomfortable Conversations About Reproduction —
And I’m Just Getting Started
Shedding light on the stories no one wants to talk about — challenging stigma and judgment through honest conversations about every stage of womanhood.
I’ve spent the better part of the past five years talking about infertility and sharing, sometimes with more detail than necessary, the deeply personal moments of my own journey. (I’m not one for half-measures — oversharing is basically my superpower. 😬) And while I usually like to sprinkle in a little humor and maybe even some glitter… not today! No silliness here — this one’s about the judgment around reproductive choices and why these conversations matter. Because some topics deserve that kind of honesty.
Along the way, I’ve faced the uncomfortable truths around infertility, stigma around infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause awareness — topics too often cloaked in stigma and silence. This isn’t just my story; it’s the stories of countless women whose experiences deserve to shine. And I’m just getting started.
Have I Made People Uncomfortable? Absolutely.
It still astonishes me that stigma follows infertility in 2025. The shame. The lack of empathy. The ignorance. And the wildly inappropriate things people say when the mere word “infertility” makes them squirm.
It’s so similar to the way people react to miscarriage or stillbirth. Sure, the empathy factor might be slightly better — but the shame, ignorance, and careless comments are often the same.
The Judgments Never Stop
I suspect these reactions show up across all reproductive conversations — even on the opposite side of the spectrum. And at the root of it is judgment.
A Mom with One Child Hears:
“When are you going to have another?”
“Why wouldn’t you give your child a sibling? That’s so unfair.”
A Mom with Many Children Hears:
“Why so many kids? You can’t possibly care for all of them.”
“They must fight for your attention, right?”
A Woman Without Kids Hears:
“How can you not want children? Something must be wrong with you.”
“Having kids is what women were put on this earth to do.”
A Woman in Her Forties or Fifties Trying to Conceive Hears:
“What a selfish decision! Your children won’t even get to know you.”
“You’re too old to have kids.”
It. Never. Ends.
Breast vs. Bottle — and the Casual Cruelty
And it’s not just about pregnancy.
There’s the infamous breastfeeding vs. formula debate — and both sides can get ugly.
I’ve been on both sides. I’ll never understand the judgment.
Recently, I left a breastfeeding group I had always felt comfortable in, even through my own extremely difficult breastfeeding/pumping/formula-feeding journey. The breaking point was a comment that read:
“There’s so much judgment about us because our boobs work.”
For a woman who struggled to breastfeed, those words are like a knife to the heart. For many, the inability to produce enough milk is traumatizing, and it often causes deep emotional — and physical — distress. I know, because that’s what happened to me.
NICU Moms Don’t Get a Pass Either
It’s like the casual remarks people make to NICU parents:
“I’m so jealous you didn’t have to deal with being huge and uncomfortable at full term.”
“It must be nice to get a little break before your baby comes home.”
And Then There’s Birth
Why is “C-section vs. vaginal birth” even a debate?
Both are traumatic.
Both are hard.
Both are amazing.
One is major abdominal surgery, cutting through seven layers of tissue to pull a human from your body.
The other is pushing that human (or humans) out of your body.
Neither is “the easy way.”
The Real Problem
Believe it or not, I could go on — because this is what we do.
We judge women for every choice they make, especially reproductive ones.
If their choices don’t match ours, they’re “wrong” and must be shamed.
But the part that hurts most?
We do it to each other.
Yes, judgment is human nature — but tearing each other down is not. And lately, the tearing down feels worse than ever.
Where It Comes From
It’s insecurity.
If you feel uncertain about your own decisions, it’s tempting to project that onto someone else:
“If I make her feel shame for her decision, I’ll feel better about mine — because I won’t be alone.”
It doesn’t work.
Shaming others only feeds your own bitterness… unless you completely lack empathy (which is another beast entirely).
The Weight of Silence
The judgment about reproductive choices often thrives in silence. People make assumptions — sometimes well-meaning, sometimes cruel — without understanding the complexity of each individual’s journey. I’ve been on the receiving end of comments ranging from “Why don’t you just relax?” to “Aren’t you too old for this?” These words stick, and they’re part of why I keep speaking out.
I’ve heard from women who’ve faced criticism for choosing IVF, judgment for not wanting children, or pressure for having “too many.” This kind of judgment over reproductive choices doesn’t just hurt feelings — it reinforces systemic barriers and fuels shame.
Infertility and Beyond
My own story began with infertility, but it didn’t end there. I’ve walked through miscarriage, postpartum recovery, NICU experiences, and now, perimenopause. Each chapter has brought its own unique challenges and moments of reckoning.
When I talk about these topics, I’m not just speaking for myself — I’m creating space for the voices of others. The postpartum period alone can be isolating, with postpartum care often overlooked or minimized. Perimenopause, meanwhile, is still whispered about as though it’s taboo, leaving too many women unprepared for its reality.
Why I’m Talking About This
Because women tearing each other down — especially over reproductive “nonsense” — is getting worse, and it’s not okay.
I focus on reproductive topics because education is lacking. People don’t understand how hormones, health, and personal history shape reproductive decisions — and that ignorance fuels the shaming.
So yes — I’ll keep talking about it. I’ll keep making people uncomfortable.
Because sometimes, discomfort is how we learn.
Why I’ll Keep Talking
After five years, you might think I’d be tired of sharing such personal stories — but the truth is, I’m just getting started. As long as judgment about reproductive choices exists, so will my determination to speak up.
Because when we normalize conversations about infertility, loss, and menopause, we strip away the shame. And when we challenge the stigma, we make it easier for the next person to share their truth.
So no — I’m not done yet. In fact, I feel like I’m only scratching the surface.
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